What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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