You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
