There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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