Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
