i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I touched a dick in church today
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
