when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
