I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
