What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Please don't give away my fajitas
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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