there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
