i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
