Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
