like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
