i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
