Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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