we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
