please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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