two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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