he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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