I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
