Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
