so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Mom said you looked used
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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