I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
