theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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