I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
