i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
