She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
