pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize