i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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