Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
