True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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