oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so let's talk penis.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
