Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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