His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
