if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
