I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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