You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
