cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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