She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
