I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
