We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will pee on everything he values.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
did you just send me my own nude
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
