we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
