I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
