is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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