My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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