Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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