I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
