Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
