How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
