My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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