thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
