Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
