I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
