her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
