Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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