porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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