I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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