I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
