Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
